martedì 28 febbraio 2017

Congratulations humans!

Admirals, Pilots and Ship's Boys of Earth, we have to congratulate with you. In spite
of your primitive instruments, every day you are able to discover new worlds in your
peripheral Galactic surroundings. Luckily for us, you still have no interstellar travel technology. After all, if you mean to ruin the planets in the Galaxy the way you are doing with your, so much the better that you don't!
Most people in the Galaxy believe that you do not deserve evolution, but we want to
teach you to pilot, navigate, mine, reproduce and fight on orbit. Not so much for the good of your own species as for our personal agenda that you would not understand.
And also because the Galactic Council pays us to.

You have no idea which and how many civilizations (at least twenty) watch your little juicy system. For more than 60 Earth years we have been strongly suggesting you to stop chirping about your presence in the Galaxy. The Council cannot be held responsible for the actions of the most external fringes and/or all the large wild empires of the Galactic borders, slackers that you are.

The Kosmos is an endless ocean and for sure you are not the biggest fish*.
*... you call the multicellular being flying in your “oceans” “fish”, right?

So stop immediately waging war to one another or starving one another and 
COME UP TO THE ORBIT!
The Council wants to send you KOLON, a psychosocial instrument. It's a fun game system through which you will evolve by learning the basics of orbital navigation while sitting comfortably around the table at your homes, and starting from your very own technological level.

Aside from important principles of Galactic “etiquette”, such as where to place forks
on a table set in the Dobran system. If you ever go to Dobra it's something you need to know, your life might depend on it. (Dobra hosts a little KOLON tournament and it is not far from you, there might be an UFO going there next Friday from New Delhi).

To improve your knowledge of orbital basics, the Pilot Academy of Betelgeuse is
sending you didactic material about KOLON used in the Kalvok system (sorry but translations are expensive). We believe it is too early for you, too few humans can pilot and these are double set ships, not for beginners for sure. Still we are sure that the Admirals on Earth, both humans and otherwise, will appreciate and remember the good old times on Betelgeuse... (… err... you did know, didn't you?) Here is a very good vehicle design for inspiration in your next fights, 
the Battleship Dobro Goran!
… wish we could have it in a fight...
It seems our Earth community is growing. The Council happily enjoys this. You should be happy too. Be happy! Soon there will be an important vote about you near Sgr-A, which might mean that soon a large number of prototype Kopies of a translation of KOLON for humans might be printed! It would be very important for us (and for your species) if you could show your desire to evolve and have fun by rewarding what we are doing for KOLON and for you with:
a "like" quot on our Facebook page
or by following us on Twitter
… and most of all, talk about it to your Friends, enlist and come play!
It's important for you the way you are important for us.

Our work for you is constant, human Friends. Unfortunately for you, our world is difficult to understand, but based on the great Friendship that joins us we will always come for encounters of the third kind on your planet. This is very important to keep refining the translation of KOLON from Kalvokian to Terrestrial. Last time it happened in
February in the south of Lazio, in Italy, on Earth, boreal hemisphere. We met a
couple dozens of humans and had fun around the tables in the afternoon.
So many New Earth Pilots! Welcome to the Galaxy, human Friends! :D
With the most obsequious homage and heartfelt wishes for a long and joyful
permanence in the cosmos as sentient and monolocated energetic beings from all the
intelligent species on the Galactic Council to your esteemed and honorable species.
Thanks.
'''--_..^.._--'''
^

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